Anyhoo, by Thursday I had advanced to the anger stage. Anger doesn't sit well on me, I am by nature pretty happy-go-lucky and content. When anger strikes, I really am not sure what to do with it. I did what everyone should do when they are angry; I headed to Walmart.
See, I also like to depression shop. When I am depressed-I want to eat. As I know this is an unhealthy habit, I have created my own game "Imaginary Eating Shopping". I wander around the store and put everything in my cart I want to stuff my face with (it is always crap food-nothing organic, or grown-up gets to go in the cart) for example: Twinkies Funyons, honey roasted peanuts, the ginormous vat of cheese balls, chocolate plastic-y mini donuts...etc.
The genius is that I never buy them. I look at them in my cart, I imagine buying them, getting home and ripping into their delicious contents only to feel gross and lethargic afterwards. So I put them back on the shelves.
Now here is where the misplaced anger comes in to play. I never put them back where they belong. I get a perverse joy out of placing the Twinkies with the diapers, the Funyons by the slippers, and the honey roasted peanuts by the camping gear. I like to think that I am helping shoppers who, for example, might be exhausted from a newborn and need the Twinkies but are so tired they can't figure out where they are in the store. And what camp site doesn't need honey roasted peanuts. I'm a helper.
At the same time, I imagine the re-stocking team uttering their frustration and at the same being impressed with the ingenuity of the random grocery bandit. So I giggle my way around the store, feeling immensely better and almost righteous in my junk food resistance.
I did manage to buy one nostalgic food item for comfort. Banana-flavored popscicles--the cheaper the better. I love that imitation banana flavoring, it makes me feel like a kid. I've only had like, 20 of them since Thursday. If my tongue turns yellow, is that a bad sign?
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